As I'm within weeks of delivering my second child, I've had a few articles about mommy shaming pop up from various sources. Now, I have had other things on my mind I've wanted to blog about but wanted to weigh in.
The breast feeders shame the bottle feeders, the attachment parenting people shame the non attachment parenting people. Now, I don't know about you, but parenting has been the hardest thing I have ever done. My guilt runneth over all in its own. I don't need help feeling inadequate as a mother. So, where do these people get off?
For example, I recall after having my daughter, breast feeding her was a nightmare. It took three sets of hands to get her to kind of latch. Once home, it was nearly impossible. Within less than a week, she had lost a pound and I'm in with the lactation consultant sleep deprived and sobbing because my daughter wasn't eating. She thought we keep going like this for another two days. After talking with my husband, we decided that I'd use a breast pump (which I did 5-6 times a day for 4.5 months). We tell the consultant this only to have her demeanor completely and negatively change towards us and shamed us for not trying longer. I have no doubt that I did the right thing for my kid and no regrets. I hate that damn pump, it's lucky I didn't back over it with my car, but, I did the right thing. This round, I can't breast feed. I need to get back on my meds. Being in a healthy place mentally has had to override things. I wish I could, but I can't and will not let some over zealous breastfeeding Nazi make me feel bad. I need to be the best mom I can be under the circumstances. I make no apologies for not being able to. I've gone through enough "being crazy" within the last two years to last a life time. Especially during this pregnancy. I need to be sane so to hell with the breastfeeding Nazi's! ;)
Not everything works the same way for everyone. Why is there this need to shame people for it? Do the best you can. There's so much conflicting information on things, it can drive you crazy. Co sleeping is great; don't co sleep; let the kids cry it out...... It's like your damned if you do and damned if you don't.
So, why do women feel the need to shame other women because of things like this? I don't think it makes you a better mom if you're able to do something another mother can't. Good for you. Either you're the Mother Teresa of parenting or struggling just as much as the rest of us and are embarrassed. If motherhood has come easily for you, I'm jealous. LOVE my kid, but man, this is hard. I feel like a complete failure frequently. I'm doing my best and believe most moms are in the same boat.
Please be kind. I believe we all have our strengths as parents and could stand to be kinder, especially to other moms.