The Difficult Times

Jekyll and Hyde. Angel and the devil on your shoulders. Call it what you want, that's how I feel at times when dealing with the bipolar. Even with medication, you can't always avoid being triggered by something. Unfortunately, my husband and I seem to trigger each other more often than I'd like to admit. This was hard before and with a child in the mix, it's a bit more of a struggle.

As I've gone through my day today, I've been fighting this battle inside my head. Both sides trying to emerge as I try to keep my patience with a teething baby, a sweet girl who just needs my love. I managed and fought hard. I think the day ended up being a draw but, I fought and dug myself out of the pit. Not an easy feat, but, I did it.

Grateful that tomorrow is a new day. I get to reset the clock and remind myself of what's important. For me, it's doing the best I can to not let the damn bipolar get the best of me. It's keeping focused on my daughter and letting her know that I love her regardless of the storm that rages in my head from time to time. It's being patient with myself and trying to keep my cool. It's continually reminding myself that I'm not the worst mom ever. There's always something to deal with.

So, here's to a new day. To continuing to put one foot in front of the other. To the power of music and the ability it has to lift even the most conflicted of spirits.
Keep pressing forward, everyone. We'll get through things one way or another. Don't give up.

Choices

Each day, we make choices, good, bad or otherwise that take us down a variety of paths.  Many choices only effect you, but some can impact those around you.

 

As my family struggles with bipolar, I'm very aware of how our choices and decisions impact each other and the future. I look at my daughter and worry about how the fact that both her parents are bipolar will affect her. How can I protect her? How can I help her to understand that it's not her fault for our moods? I worry that my sweet girl will blame herself for our foul moods. How can we better equip ourselves to help her to understand? It breaks my heart. Our choices to get help and allow help to be part of our lives, can make the difference between a stable and healthy family and a family with problems. Having the proper tools to help us when dealing with an episode would be awesome.

 

My hope is that we can make better choices, obtain the tools to not only help ourselves, but strengthen ourselves during the bipolar storms. To positively change ourselves and improve our future as a family. That sounds like a great long term plan to me.

The beginning

Inspired by my sister in law who just started a blog about her bipolar disorder, I thought this might be a good avenue for me to discuss our challenges with bipolar.

With that said....My name is Allyson and I am bipolar as is my husband.  We both were diagnosed just over a year ago. We're still adjusting to the diagnoses. My husband has chosen to not take medication and uses creating and selling chainmaille jewelry as therapy. (facebook.com/icdoodads) . I chose the medication route.

Shortly after we were diagnosed, we found out we were expecting our first child,  which meant I had to come off the meds.  As exciting as this moment should have been, I wasn't worried about weather she'd have 10 fingers and 10 toes, I worried about her getting a double dose of crazy. Our daughter will be six months old in a few days and it's been a struggle,  I won't lie. I love my daughter and am grateful. It's definitely a challenge though.

I now hope to be able to help others. Here's the beginning of our journey.